You don't have to worry about that

Why is it that everytime I hear the phrase "You don't have to worry about that" I pause and try to count to 10 before responding? The answer is simply that the thing others think I do not have to worry about is almost always PRECISLY the thing that I need to be worried about. That phrase has got to be one of my biggest pet peeves lately.

I am considering just giving in, and simply writing down the time and person who said not to worry, so that when it comes back that there is problem with exactly what I was worried about I can show them my note and continue to not worry about it. Of course that is not what would happen. I would still be responsible for fixing the problem, which is now a much bigger project because it was ignored in the design phase.

As long as I am at it. Please stop using these phrases as well:

Irregardless - This is NOT a word. The word you are looking for is "Regardless". Adding "Ir" in front makes a negative word a double-negative. And everyone knows from the movie "Stand By Me" that "A negative times a negative equals a positive, (again!)" Bottom line: Irregardless makes no sense. Stop using it.

All Intensive Purposes - The correct phrase is "For all intents and purposes." Stop saying it wrong.

I could care less - What does this mean? Isn't the proper usage "I COULDN'T CARE LESS?" If you can care less, then you are really saying that you care some. So again you are not really saying anything at all. Why not just tell us that you like to breathe while you are at it?

For all intensive purposes and irregardless of what you think, I could care less if you agree with me.

I need a vacation.

Calling in sick

So I tried to clean my ears out (I frequently get wax buildup), and irritated my right ear so badly trying to dig out the wax with Q-tips that I probably punctured something or at least it felt like it. I spent one of the worst nights of my life waiting until 9am to call the doctor. I woke up about 20 times and tried sleeping on the floor, the couch, bed, chair, back, side, front, ice on head, warm towel, even tried a candle in the ear to dry it out (that was HOT). Just could not find a comfortable place to put my head with the throbbing ear attached.

Anyway, doctor cleaned it out and prescribed some Vicodin to help with the pain. It is amazing how difficult it is to work with intense ear pain. It is equally difficult to work while on Vicodin, but much more fun than working with ear pain. I decided to take Friday off rather than fight the above 2 choices again.

One thing I realized that a great game to play is to take a dopey drug and then try to remember what it was you just took. I was lying in bed thinking, "Davodin? No, hmmm. Danovid!" That killed about a half hour.

Unbelievably I have so far avoided the "What?" joke in response to "How is your ear doing?" Although I have been tested far too many times. My current feeling is that I hate my ear and sleeping more than 15 hours a day really should be reserved for cats only. Oh well, back to bed. I can only hope I will wake up tomorrow fully recovered.

Password Hell

So I arrive at work today and for the 3rd day in a row I get a message popup when I sign in that I need to change my password in the next 12....11....10 days.
First of all, I should say that this password is the most cryptic one I have ever used before because it requires ALL of the following:
1 upper case letter
1 lower case letter
1 number
1 special character
OK, so I had to come up with a crazy looking password and commit it to memory, and type it dozens of times per day. But now I am told I need to change it? Why? I don't understand. Really, please explain it to me. I can think of no good reason. And on top of that I learn of a new restriction:
You cannot re-use the same password you have used the past 2 times.
That prevents me from changing my password and then quickly changing it back.
Is this really necessary? I asked the Tech guys to explain to me why we had this high-level security in place and they responded, "I don't know, no good reason"
Just an exercise in frustration?
I ask around and get the actual answer and it is a recurring theme as to the root of all the problems with this place. It is aimed at fulfilling our SOX compliance (Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002)

So, my solution? Change my password twice, THEN change it back.
(Sigh)

Dilbert knows

This Dilbert cartoon was sent to me by a co-worker today:



It hits very close to home as we are big on Sarbanes-Oxley here.

In fact, I recently had to create a change request form for a project that required no change at all (it was already fixed by another project). So, I created a 7-page document that required 8 signatures and the instructions I wrote were: "Do nothing"

Database column suffixes

Why do you need suffixes describing the database type on the column name?
For instance: "amount_int" ? Why not just "amount" ?

We have a DB set up here with this archeticture, but the funniest (saddest?) thing is that the suffix is not always correct. So it doesn't really save any time because you have to look at the database to confirm anyway.

This brings me to my current project, which has me adding a new column to an existing table. The new column exists in another table, but is incorrectly suffixed as "_si" for small integer, but has been since changed to a full integer and should have been updated to "_int" but obviously wasn't. I guess it was too much of a hassle to update all of the coding that references it already.

This is EXACTLY why I think it is a bad idea to include this in the column name. So...in the new table I got the answer that we want it to be correct (use "_int".) Therefore the two columns which are storing identical information for the same purpose are named 2 different ways.

Bottom Line regarding using suffixes in this way:
Cons:
More to type when coding
Makes datatype changes either a huge project or makes the column name suffix incorrect which defeats the purpose

Pros:
Gives me something to type about here.

Day 5 - The end of the week!

Another day, another new record: 10:45.
I had a long night, but that's another story. Lets just say that I am a good friend.

I am very happy to see the end of my first week here. My expectations for this job were way too high, and overall I was disappointed. I am trying push some changes for the better through and hopefully that will continue to be well received and not seen as me constantly complaining, which is closer to the truth.

In summary, it is a complex code base with many nuances. In the page I was working on today, there were a total of 91 files (In my opinion 10 or less is optimal) included in one webpage request. That is just something that will be difficult to get used to. I am starting to think that I wasn't burnt out, but something else, perhaps on the line of work in general or, more simply, sorting through someone else's not-too-well-thought-out ball of crap (not saying that is the case here, just saying I don't like doing that).

In fact, I had a revelation. I want to start my own ball of crap codebase. Then have someone come in and take care of it while I sit in my big office. I just checked and ballofcrap.com is available. hmm. Something to think about over the weekend.

btw...a friend brought this link to my attention which sufficiently scared me into removing any identifiable aspects and also changing the title of this blog: http://www.thedenverchannel.com/technology/4616173/detail.html
I don't think I have written anything that bad, but thanks for scaring me.

Day 4 - Tired

Wandered in at 10:30 today. Forgot to clock in until 10:45. I think that probably looks bad.

I now have 3 projects assigned to me. The website code here is a garbled ball of files that I will have a tough time getting up to speed with and learning to accept. I collaborate a bit with co-worker about the first project, which doesn't really sound like a good idea to me and he agrees. It turns out that this project gets cancelled anyway. I have a few long conversations about the other 2 projects with a couple different people and get a general direction for the request, which we discover was not what was originally requested, so more paperwork is necessary before I can officially work on it. This must be boring to read, because I am having trouble staying awake writing it. Anyway, the site is complicated, the request turns out to be vague and the database is enormous and tough to work with. But the people are friendly.

There are several breaks in the day where footballs are fired through the office or darts are thrown. Is it Friday yet?

Day 3 - Timing

Strolled in at 10:00 today. Getting closer to normal time. That didn't take long.

Today I decided to see what I could do to upgrade my workspace. I was feeling a bit cramped with my monitor too close to my face and was missing the dual monitor setup I have been accustomed to at all my previous jobs (and at home.)

My first request of a 2nd monitor made me feel like a teenager asking my step-dad to borrow his car, "We'll see." My second request of a flat screen so that I can push it far enough away from my nose to feel comfortable was met with a resounding "No." In fact, I even offered to bring my own in, but was told that I wouldn' t be allowed to do that. What's the harm with that? I don't get it. One thing I was able to do was install my custom monitor riser (a ream of paper and a telephone directory) which turned out to make a significant difference. It is still too close, but I can live with it.

As for the chair, I switched to a chair without wheels and lower armrests, so now I no longer feel like I have tyrannasaurus arms.

My desk seems to be positioned in the hottest area of the office, and coincidentaly I noticed there are only 2 overhead flourescent lights on over the entire section of about 24 cubes, with one being directly above me. I will be bringing my fan to work tomorrow.

The last major problem with my workspace is that I FEEL every person walk by, and since I sit right next to a major pedestrian highway this is a huge distraction and extremely annoying. It's almost like there are hundreds of mild earthquakes everyday. I need shock absorbers in my chair.

I finally got set up in the project management system, so now I am at least eligible to get a project assigned to me. Also, I got a login to the timeclock application. Oh Joy! I haven't had to use a timeclock since I was in high school working at Sizzler. Oh, the memories. But back then I was also in charge of timekeeping, so I routinely changed the time on the clock, clocked in/out, then changed the time back. I was well-liked on the days I let everyone clock out at 10:30, and then set the clock back to 9:45 and we all went home.

Day 2, The day I almost get fired

Day 2 I stroll in at 9:30 and settle in at my desk. I still haven't been given a login to the timeclock system. I frantically looked for my passport last night to satisfy the document from list "A" of the I-9 form. I accidently found my social security card which I thought was lost for good, no need to find my passport as this will suffice. It is actually so old that my signature is from when I was about 9 years old and still signed "Danny" on everything.

Just before lunch I was challenged to play the office pentathalon vs. the reigning champion. It consisted of 5 events around the office: tic-tac-toe golf, darts, bocce with golf balls and stress relief ball, throwing quarters against the wall, and finally bowling the stress ball into a paper cup. I won in convincing fashion (beginner's luck?) and was crowned the new champ.

After lunch I went down to HR and I met the dept. head (she was out yesterday) who informed me that I needed to sign the voluntary arbitration form. I told her I didn't sign it before because it said it was voluntary. She said she would have the VP of HR get back to me on that issue and I met with him a bit later in the day. He told me that the voluntary part was that if I didn't want to sign it I could go home. I tried to assure him that I didn't have an issue with arbitration, but just had an issue with being forced to sign something that specifically stated that it was voluntary. I asked if we could add in the line "as a condition of employment" but that was not an option at all. I asked if it was possible to speak with the legal team about that request and did, but was told the same thing over and over. I could either "voluntarily" sign or I could go work somewhere else. I thought it was a bit ridiculous, but in the end I really didn't have a problem signing away my right to a trial as I have never sued anyone in my life, but I just had a major issue signing something that I didn't agree was absolutely truthful. I was thinking that I was really starting to make a name for myself, but maybe that wasn't a great idea the way I was going about that.

A co-worker asked me for an opinion on some SQL code, and I was happy to finally have something meaningful to do. I mapped out the tables in question and put together a solid query which ended up being exactly what was needed. Very satisfying to be useful for the first time!

Day 1, I have arrived

After accepting the job over a month ago, I was sure to call and make sure they still remembered me before coming in. So, on Friday I called to do just that, and asked what time and where to report. They said to come on in at 9am.

I arrived at 8:55, which is actually 5 minutes early. Maybe its a new trend!
I am asked to sit in the lobby and wait for my manager to come get me. I listen to one of the receptionists talk to the other about her upcoming wedding and the wonderfully awful time she had selecting her dress. After nearly 30 minutes and several more pages to my new manager, I am greeted by my new co-worker who informs me that my manager hasn't arrived yet. Why did I bother to come in early? I am given a nice tour of all 4 floors, and introduced to various people along the way, most of the names I will not remember, but lucky for me everyone here has a name plate posted. Sodas are available in the refrigerator, but there is a box to chip in a quarter for each one. I learn that the best vending machines are located on the 4th floor. One of the first things I notice is that the key fobs are required several times: To call the outside elevators, to press the floor in the elevator, to open the door from each elevator lobby to the rest of the floor. So, I need to use it 3 times everytime I enter the building.

The day is very uneventful, as I spend most of the time filling out HR forms and setting up programs the way I like them. I learn that there are forms for everything, and most need multiple signatures. There is also only 1 development environment, so if I make a dumb change, all the developers are affected. But, I am not supposed to make any changes unless I have a change form (signed of course) in hand, so as expected I don't do anything productive the first day.