Mega Millions jackpot over $640 million

So I decided to buy my first Mega Millions tickets today. My friend Jeff used to always say that the lottery was a tax on people that were bad at math. I guess I just got caught up in all of the excitement of a potential half a billion dollar payday.

The way the Mega Millions works is that you pick 5 numbers between 1 and 56 and then pick a 6th number which is between 1 and 46.

I even downloaded the winning number history and did some research. For whatever its worth, 48 appears way too often as a non-mega number and 36 appears the most as a mega-number. The least drawn mega-number by a fair amount is 28. The sample size is way too small to draw any worthwhile conclusions, but maybe there is a bias for or against those balls for some reason.

I decided that I would pick my 5 numbers and then buy 46 tickets -- 1 with each mega number from 1 to 46. This proved more difficult than I anticipated. I thought that there would be some way to do this without filling in 46 betting slips. For instance, leave the mega number blank or select the "asterisk" or "play all" box. It turns out no such boxes exist and the operator behind the counter at the gas station looked at me liked I was not too bright for asking the question. I started manually filling out my picks from 46 down to 1. Unfortunately, my hand got tired after 11 tickets, so hopefully the mega number is 36 or above.

The odds to win the grand prize with 1 ticket are 175,711,536 to 1. So with 25 tickets between my wife and I, we are approximately 7 million to 1 underdogs. Odds that I call in sick on Monday if I win: 1-9.

Fired for posting Dilbert cartoon

I just read a story about a man named Dave Steward who was fired from Catfish Bend Casinos in Burlington, Iowa for posting this Dilbert cartoon (published in late 2007) in his office:




They used surveillance video to identify that Steward was the one who posted the cartoon. He said "I wanted to try to boost the morale for the employees," but was fired 3 days later because his bosses didn't like being referred to as a drunken lemurs.

In order to receive his unemployment benefits, Steward actually had to prove in front of a judge that he posted the comic because he was merely stupid and not intentionally misbehaving.

The creator of the Dilbert comic strip heard about this story and posted these cartoons on 2/20 and 2/21/08 in response:




I have posted several Dilbert cartoons at various offices as my small way of expressing some frustration in situations in which I had no other outlet. Luckily I have never worked for anyone so uptight and rigid to have fired me for it.

Sources:
ABC News
Des Moines Register
Troy Bettinger's Blog

Another year, another new job

I have not posted here in a while. I wonder if anybody ever checks my posts. If you do, leave a message.

Recent news: I have gotten married and just got back from my honeymoon. :)

I have been on my current job for almost 6 months. Many stories to tell. From ice chewing to uses of "irregardless" More on that later.

Critical Beeping

If you know me at all, you know I am (overly?) sensitive to noises around me. From open-mouthed chewing to tapping on desks repeatedly throughout the day, every day, day after day. Oh when will the tapping end?

But I digress.

For the past several days an annoying beeping has been disturbing me. It is the standard critical stop beep from a coworkers computer. It took some deduction and some slight stalking behavior to narrow it done to the culprit. I decided to try the direct approach...


Dan's Email*:
------------------------
Hey Karen,

I am not sure if this is a fair request, but I have been noticing your critical alert beeps from your computer often in the past several days…

I was wondering, is it possible to turn down or turn off the volume?

Thanks,
Dan


*Name has been changed to protect the innocent

Karen's Response Email:
------------------------
Sure, no problem.


That was easy. She even came over to my desk and we shared some stories about noisy inconsiderate coworkers and she even had a coworker who chewed so loudly it drove her crazy.

There is hope for a quieter workplace!

Sirius problems

My Dad bought me a Sirius radio receiver for my birthday a couple months ago. He got me the car unit and an additional workstation unit. I had been procrastinating about trying it out because I didn't really think I would like it. I have no complaints about my terrestrial radio besides too many commercials, but even that gives me an excuse to channel-surf which I also enjoy.

Sirius has no commercials and lots of speciality channels, including all-comedy, traffic, and weather reports. I also learned that Sirius broadcasts every NFL game and after 6 weeks of CBS airing awful Raiders games I was finally inspired to open up the packages and give it a whirl, if only to listen to NFL games when I worked late on Mondays.

So, I brought it in to work and unpacked everything and plugged it in. Then went
online and activated it (paid for 1 year subscription.) It didn't work. I got
the message "Antenna Not Detected" Then I called for help. The first person
asked if the antenna was plugged in and did it have a clear view of the sky. I said "No" because it is at my desk at work. I asked, "Does it not work indoors?" She said "Hold on" and transferred me.

I was transferred to a guy that mumbled badly and had me push some buttons first and
then unplug everything and wait 2 minutes and plug everything back in. Same
error message. He said I need to get it replaced. There was a problem with my unit that was 1 in 1000 he assured me. Funny, because my Dad warned me that he had to get his replaced twice. I guess it is a 1 in 1 problem if your name is Rosenthal!

I planned on heading over to Best Buy on my lunch break to see if I could get this
thing sorted out. Before starting my car, I thought I would try to see if at least the car antenna worked, and it did, but only when I held it out the window. The car antenna has a powerful magnet on it, which the instructions say should be attached through the window and onto the roof. This presents a problem for me because I have a convertible. I also tried the first antenna, and it worked fine outside.

So, I called them again and first told them my antenna works outside. And after a little arguing I was told that if I didn't have a window at my desk I simply couldn't use it at work. On to the car question....I asked where to put the magnetic antenna. The first idea was roof, but obviously I can't do that with my convertible. The second idea was metal cross bar (which many convertibles have, but I don't), third and final idea was metal side-view mirrors (Alas, mine are plastic.) I asked if maybe anybody else had another suggestion. He said that was all anybody had. He then starting throwing out random ideas, like maybe velcro-ing it somewhere. It was at this point that I asked for a complete refund.

I found out some things. Mostly that the people that answer the phones at Sirius don't know their products very well. At least the ones I spoke with (Is the 1 in 1000 problem that I didn't realize the antenna needed to be in a window?). It turns out that the antenna does need to have clear view of the sky. And that is basically impossible for those of us that work in windowless cubicles, unless I were to wire through the ceiling, but the Facilities Dept. here doesn't even like us touching the thermostat.

Am I the first convertible owner to try to use Sirius Radio? They sure made me feel that way. Attaching the antenna using velcro to my dashboard might have worked fine, but not being able to listen at my desk at work made it undesirable to me. I have never owned a satellite dish, but I guess they are the same story, as I always see them attached to roofs or on patios. It seems like a decent product, but too bad they don't have a solution for the workplace. I suggested to them coming up with a wireless option so that I can connect to an antenna that I leave in/on my car from my desk. Seemed like a good idea to me.

Overall, I am not impressed with Sirius.

Are you going to eat that...like a cow?

Have you noticed that height is often inversely proportional volume?

This little woman that sits behind me can't be more than 5 feet tall and is by far the loudest woman on the floor when she is taking personal calls at work. I know all about her husband and how funny it is that he is over 6 feet tall while she is barely 5 feet tall, yet I have never talked to her about her husband nor have I seen him. I also know that if she doesn't leave at 4:30, traffic is way too bad, and she wants to stay much later.

Just today she insisted that her husband should work out first tonight before installing new software on their computer and that her "tummy" hurts and she is thinking of going home. I also know all about a wide variety of issues concerning this woman's personal life which I don't feel like going into any more detail.

To make matters worse (for me and my over-sensitive ears) she types with very heavy fingers and chews very loudly with an open mouth when she eats at her desk.

I often seem to have problems with co-workers and various annoying noises, so it just MIGHT be that am a bit too picky. But do you really have to chew with your mouth open? and if you are going to take personal calls at work, can't you use your cell phone and take a walk outside the office? or at least call from an unoccupied conference room? or at the very least talk softly enough so that your co-workers aren't bombarded by the intimate details of your life?

If I could just get everyone chewing with their mouths closed I might just be satisfied.

Nice Ash

Let me ask you a question: Have you ever been upset with someone in front of you on the freeway flicking their ashes out the window?

This is a true story...it happened on my drive to work a couple weeks ago...

I was driving on the 405 to work and noticed the woman in front of me was flicking her ashes out the window. This has always bothered me. First of all it is illegal. From numerous visits to traffic school (which is another topic) I know that there are only 2 things that are legal to throw out of a moving car, one is water and the other is chicken feathers (but only if there are live chickens with you.) If you insist on smoking then you should use your own damn ashtray. Don't litter on top of giving yourself cancer, and especially don't litter at my expense. Do you really think that I want to smell your smoke? Roll up your windows and enjoy your smoke to the fullest. Don't share it with everyone else.

Anyway, I wasn't really trying to, but I think scared the crap out of this woman. I was just really upset to see her continually flicking ashes in front of me. My response was to honk whenever she flicked. I am not sure if she put the two together, or if she was just thinking I was some sort of maniac. She eventually changed lanes, but as my exit was also approaching I changed lanes right behind her. I ended up getting off the same exit with her about a mile later and then actually felt slightly bad about scaring her, because she seemed concerned that I was still behind her.

I thought about following her to apologize for scaring her, but figured that would probably be even worse. Bottom Line: Use your own ashtray! And honking at strangers gives you something to talk about, but may not always end up going well.

You don't have to worry about that

Why is it that everytime I hear the phrase "You don't have to worry about that" I pause and try to count to 10 before responding? The answer is simply that the thing others think I do not have to worry about is almost always PRECISLY the thing that I need to be worried about. That phrase has got to be one of my biggest pet peeves lately.

I am considering just giving in, and simply writing down the time and person who said not to worry, so that when it comes back that there is problem with exactly what I was worried about I can show them my note and continue to not worry about it. Of course that is not what would happen. I would still be responsible for fixing the problem, which is now a much bigger project because it was ignored in the design phase.

As long as I am at it. Please stop using these phrases as well:

Irregardless - This is NOT a word. The word you are looking for is "Regardless". Adding "Ir" in front makes a negative word a double-negative. And everyone knows from the movie "Stand By Me" that "A negative times a negative equals a positive, (again!)" Bottom line: Irregardless makes no sense. Stop using it.

All Intensive Purposes - The correct phrase is "For all intents and purposes." Stop saying it wrong.

I could care less - What does this mean? Isn't the proper usage "I COULDN'T CARE LESS?" If you can care less, then you are really saying that you care some. So again you are not really saying anything at all. Why not just tell us that you like to breathe while you are at it?

For all intensive purposes and irregardless of what you think, I could care less if you agree with me.

I need a vacation.

Calling in sick

So I tried to clean my ears out (I frequently get wax buildup), and irritated my right ear so badly trying to dig out the wax with Q-tips that I probably punctured something or at least it felt like it. I spent one of the worst nights of my life waiting until 9am to call the doctor. I woke up about 20 times and tried sleeping on the floor, the couch, bed, chair, back, side, front, ice on head, warm towel, even tried a candle in the ear to dry it out (that was HOT). Just could not find a comfortable place to put my head with the throbbing ear attached.

Anyway, doctor cleaned it out and prescribed some Vicodin to help with the pain. It is amazing how difficult it is to work with intense ear pain. It is equally difficult to work while on Vicodin, but much more fun than working with ear pain. I decided to take Friday off rather than fight the above 2 choices again.

One thing I realized that a great game to play is to take a dopey drug and then try to remember what it was you just took. I was lying in bed thinking, "Davodin? No, hmmm. Danovid!" That killed about a half hour.

Unbelievably I have so far avoided the "What?" joke in response to "How is your ear doing?" Although I have been tested far too many times. My current feeling is that I hate my ear and sleeping more than 15 hours a day really should be reserved for cats only. Oh well, back to bed. I can only hope I will wake up tomorrow fully recovered.

Password Hell

So I arrive at work today and for the 3rd day in a row I get a message popup when I sign in that I need to change my password in the next 12....11....10 days.
First of all, I should say that this password is the most cryptic one I have ever used before because it requires ALL of the following:
1 upper case letter
1 lower case letter
1 number
1 special character
OK, so I had to come up with a crazy looking password and commit it to memory, and type it dozens of times per day. But now I am told I need to change it? Why? I don't understand. Really, please explain it to me. I can think of no good reason. And on top of that I learn of a new restriction:
You cannot re-use the same password you have used the past 2 times.
That prevents me from changing my password and then quickly changing it back.
Is this really necessary? I asked the Tech guys to explain to me why we had this high-level security in place and they responded, "I don't know, no good reason"
Just an exercise in frustration?
I ask around and get the actual answer and it is a recurring theme as to the root of all the problems with this place. It is aimed at fulfilling our SOX compliance (Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002)

So, my solution? Change my password twice, THEN change it back.
(Sigh)

Dilbert knows

This Dilbert cartoon was sent to me by a co-worker today:



It hits very close to home as we are big on Sarbanes-Oxley here.

In fact, I recently had to create a change request form for a project that required no change at all (it was already fixed by another project). So, I created a 7-page document that required 8 signatures and the instructions I wrote were: "Do nothing"

Database column suffixes

Why do you need suffixes describing the database type on the column name?
For instance: "amount_int" ? Why not just "amount" ?

We have a DB set up here with this archeticture, but the funniest (saddest?) thing is that the suffix is not always correct. So it doesn't really save any time because you have to look at the database to confirm anyway.

This brings me to my current project, which has me adding a new column to an existing table. The new column exists in another table, but is incorrectly suffixed as "_si" for small integer, but has been since changed to a full integer and should have been updated to "_int" but obviously wasn't. I guess it was too much of a hassle to update all of the coding that references it already.

This is EXACTLY why I think it is a bad idea to include this in the column name. So...in the new table I got the answer that we want it to be correct (use "_int".) Therefore the two columns which are storing identical information for the same purpose are named 2 different ways.

Bottom Line regarding using suffixes in this way:
Cons:
More to type when coding
Makes datatype changes either a huge project or makes the column name suffix incorrect which defeats the purpose

Pros:
Gives me something to type about here.

Day 5 - The end of the week!

Another day, another new record: 10:45.
I had a long night, but that's another story. Lets just say that I am a good friend.

I am very happy to see the end of my first week here. My expectations for this job were way too high, and overall I was disappointed. I am trying push some changes for the better through and hopefully that will continue to be well received and not seen as me constantly complaining, which is closer to the truth.

In summary, it is a complex code base with many nuances. In the page I was working on today, there were a total of 91 files (In my opinion 10 or less is optimal) included in one webpage request. That is just something that will be difficult to get used to. I am starting to think that I wasn't burnt out, but something else, perhaps on the line of work in general or, more simply, sorting through someone else's not-too-well-thought-out ball of crap (not saying that is the case here, just saying I don't like doing that).

In fact, I had a revelation. I want to start my own ball of crap codebase. Then have someone come in and take care of it while I sit in my big office. I just checked and ballofcrap.com is available. hmm. Something to think about over the weekend.

btw...a friend brought this link to my attention which sufficiently scared me into removing any identifiable aspects and also changing the title of this blog: http://www.thedenverchannel.com/technology/4616173/detail.html
I don't think I have written anything that bad, but thanks for scaring me.

Day 4 - Tired

Wandered in at 10:30 today. Forgot to clock in until 10:45. I think that probably looks bad.

I now have 3 projects assigned to me. The website code here is a garbled ball of files that I will have a tough time getting up to speed with and learning to accept. I collaborate a bit with co-worker about the first project, which doesn't really sound like a good idea to me and he agrees. It turns out that this project gets cancelled anyway. I have a few long conversations about the other 2 projects with a couple different people and get a general direction for the request, which we discover was not what was originally requested, so more paperwork is necessary before I can officially work on it. This must be boring to read, because I am having trouble staying awake writing it. Anyway, the site is complicated, the request turns out to be vague and the database is enormous and tough to work with. But the people are friendly.

There are several breaks in the day where footballs are fired through the office or darts are thrown. Is it Friday yet?

Day 3 - Timing

Strolled in at 10:00 today. Getting closer to normal time. That didn't take long.

Today I decided to see what I could do to upgrade my workspace. I was feeling a bit cramped with my monitor too close to my face and was missing the dual monitor setup I have been accustomed to at all my previous jobs (and at home.)

My first request of a 2nd monitor made me feel like a teenager asking my step-dad to borrow his car, "We'll see." My second request of a flat screen so that I can push it far enough away from my nose to feel comfortable was met with a resounding "No." In fact, I even offered to bring my own in, but was told that I wouldn' t be allowed to do that. What's the harm with that? I don't get it. One thing I was able to do was install my custom monitor riser (a ream of paper and a telephone directory) which turned out to make a significant difference. It is still too close, but I can live with it.

As for the chair, I switched to a chair without wheels and lower armrests, so now I no longer feel like I have tyrannasaurus arms.

My desk seems to be positioned in the hottest area of the office, and coincidentaly I noticed there are only 2 overhead flourescent lights on over the entire section of about 24 cubes, with one being directly above me. I will be bringing my fan to work tomorrow.

The last major problem with my workspace is that I FEEL every person walk by, and since I sit right next to a major pedestrian highway this is a huge distraction and extremely annoying. It's almost like there are hundreds of mild earthquakes everyday. I need shock absorbers in my chair.

I finally got set up in the project management system, so now I am at least eligible to get a project assigned to me. Also, I got a login to the timeclock application. Oh Joy! I haven't had to use a timeclock since I was in high school working at Sizzler. Oh, the memories. But back then I was also in charge of timekeeping, so I routinely changed the time on the clock, clocked in/out, then changed the time back. I was well-liked on the days I let everyone clock out at 10:30, and then set the clock back to 9:45 and we all went home.

Day 2, The day I almost get fired

Day 2 I stroll in at 9:30 and settle in at my desk. I still haven't been given a login to the timeclock system. I frantically looked for my passport last night to satisfy the document from list "A" of the I-9 form. I accidently found my social security card which I thought was lost for good, no need to find my passport as this will suffice. It is actually so old that my signature is from when I was about 9 years old and still signed "Danny" on everything.

Just before lunch I was challenged to play the office pentathalon vs. the reigning champion. It consisted of 5 events around the office: tic-tac-toe golf, darts, bocce with golf balls and stress relief ball, throwing quarters against the wall, and finally bowling the stress ball into a paper cup. I won in convincing fashion (beginner's luck?) and was crowned the new champ.

After lunch I went down to HR and I met the dept. head (she was out yesterday) who informed me that I needed to sign the voluntary arbitration form. I told her I didn't sign it before because it said it was voluntary. She said she would have the VP of HR get back to me on that issue and I met with him a bit later in the day. He told me that the voluntary part was that if I didn't want to sign it I could go home. I tried to assure him that I didn't have an issue with arbitration, but just had an issue with being forced to sign something that specifically stated that it was voluntary. I asked if we could add in the line "as a condition of employment" but that was not an option at all. I asked if it was possible to speak with the legal team about that request and did, but was told the same thing over and over. I could either "voluntarily" sign or I could go work somewhere else. I thought it was a bit ridiculous, but in the end I really didn't have a problem signing away my right to a trial as I have never sued anyone in my life, but I just had a major issue signing something that I didn't agree was absolutely truthful. I was thinking that I was really starting to make a name for myself, but maybe that wasn't a great idea the way I was going about that.

A co-worker asked me for an opinion on some SQL code, and I was happy to finally have something meaningful to do. I mapped out the tables in question and put together a solid query which ended up being exactly what was needed. Very satisfying to be useful for the first time!

Day 1, I have arrived

After accepting the job over a month ago, I was sure to call and make sure they still remembered me before coming in. So, on Friday I called to do just that, and asked what time and where to report. They said to come on in at 9am.

I arrived at 8:55, which is actually 5 minutes early. Maybe its a new trend!
I am asked to sit in the lobby and wait for my manager to come get me. I listen to one of the receptionists talk to the other about her upcoming wedding and the wonderfully awful time she had selecting her dress. After nearly 30 minutes and several more pages to my new manager, I am greeted by my new co-worker who informs me that my manager hasn't arrived yet. Why did I bother to come in early? I am given a nice tour of all 4 floors, and introduced to various people along the way, most of the names I will not remember, but lucky for me everyone here has a name plate posted. Sodas are available in the refrigerator, but there is a box to chip in a quarter for each one. I learn that the best vending machines are located on the 4th floor. One of the first things I notice is that the key fobs are required several times: To call the outside elevators, to press the floor in the elevator, to open the door from each elevator lobby to the rest of the floor. So, I need to use it 3 times everytime I enter the building.

The day is very uneventful, as I spend most of the time filling out HR forms and setting up programs the way I like them. I learn that there are forms for everything, and most need multiple signatures. There is also only 1 development environment, so if I make a dumb change, all the developers are affected. But, I am not supposed to make any changes unless I have a change form (signed of course) in hand, so as expected I don't do anything productive the first day.